Place for Critiques~

Thanks -10. I try and work on that as much as I can, but the spelling problems are getting better, just need a little more time to develop them is all.

Thanks for the kind words you guys c:
Yeah, my posts tend to...vary in quality. I'm often unsure what to put as some filler, because I don't want it to turn into rambling or be too wordy. What sorts of things should I add to flesh them out some more?


Snitch: I really love Clyde's character. His reactions to the things around him are enjoyable to read, since he often thinks one thing in his head yet does something else (often something more reasonable.) I especially love his hatred of Garth~ I'm always wondering when he'll just snap at the grovyle, since he seems to be on the verge of it in his mind. Finally, his backstory with Bonnie is very touching. I love how he's still holding on to the hope that she could get better one day, it's really sweet <3

Alright it is time for me to do some critiques!

Negative10- Well there really isn't anything to say about about your writing or your characters. I very much enjoy roleplaying with you and you have such well rounded characters. You tell their story as if we were right there in your character's minds and I love that about how you write(: Keep it up!

fdsklfajdsf gah, thanks Ciana / Blitz~

@Argentum: Well, the bigger is better! ^w^ Don't be afraid to describe what your character sees in their surroundings (like they could "barely see a few feet ahead of them" or something like that), how they feel about other characters (Eagle often thought about his teammates individually), or how they feel about the situation (sometimes a character will flip out because it reminds them of a tender memory). Tell everyone how your character sees it!

-10: You're shaping up into a better writer, I can tell you, but there are times when you're missing descriptive words or the paragraphs feel choppy. For a thirteen year old, you're pretty good. Considering that I helped you most of the way.

Can I be critiqued? :3

I would like to be critiqued

I was debating on whether or not to post this, but i figured what the hell, i want to improve.

Specifically i'm looking to see if my posts are getting too long and boring, i've been trying to write more but i'm starting to think its having the adverse effect >.<

Tryvex: D8 Ohmai, noo, don't shorten your posts! Although I'll admit they take me awhile to read them, I wouldn't like it any other way! In truth, one of the reasons why I made my posts longer is because mine were short compared to yours! xD And plus, in those posts of yours, you just include everything - you literally don't leave anything out if you can help it. B) Leave your posts the way they are, Try, they're amazing!

can anyone point out any way that I can improve? :DD

Same thing has been happening with me as with Tryvex ono"" My posts have just suddenly POOFED and now I find it near impossible to make a post shorter than three fat paragraphs >>'

But I must say, honestly Try, that I have only just recently joined teams with you in it so I cannot say much. However, I know that I personally adore long long loooong posts<3 And, actually, seeing how you and Nega post very long has been a huge inspiration to me :') So I deffinately love the long posts dear<3

We encourage expansive posts, dear. If you feel it is going to take up the whole page then just cut it into two posts. lol

If all you can get out is a minimum of 3 paragraphs, then by all means go for it! It helps give other RP-ers more to work with in their own posts, so they are less likely to skip because they can't think of anything.

And Neg, Your posts are very nice and I personally don't think you need all that much improvement.

Negative10: I'm not too good at figuring out what people need improve on... but I can tell you what i really like about your writing. You have an excellent way of letting the personality of your characters shine through your writing. You write what they say and do, but you manage to do it in a way where the character's personality is shown, instead of just told. Instead of writing in a way where the information is just given and the character could be easily replaced with another that has a similar background, you manage to show how your characters see the world through their unique perspectives.

((That and you have a good sense of character development, you can clearly see their personal growth as the RP goes on :'D))

@Negative10:
You're so awesome your style of writing is so awesome that it's and awesome and awesome combined.

... Yeah. I just went there.

Would someone like to review how I'm doing with RP posts? Too long or too short? etc.

@Radio:
Your posts fit the required amount of paragraphs and such. Though they may seem short sometimes, you manage to bring out your characters personalities pretty darn well.

Tip - Make sure to express their facial expressions or their surroundings more often.(this is to everyone overall. :3)

Eh, I feel like having a Critique again, not sure whether I'm doing worse, or better than my last one lol. [Plus I'd like to see another's opinion of me :3]

@Radio:
I think your posts are okay. In my opinion, I think you should write your paragraphs in four ~ six sentences rather than two ~ three. It's okay to write two ~ three paragraphs every now and then, but don't do it all the time. I also noticed you have trouble if your homophones [ex: their, they're, there - your, you're]. Lots of people have been having trouble with those lately~
You're = You are. Many have put in your instead of this.
Your = Showing possession.
Also, try adding a couple of transition words in your writing [ex: therefore, however, nonetheless, etc.]. It'll make your writing much smoother and easier to read ^^
I can't help, but specially revisit this post for this critique. I have to admit, that whenever posts show your feeling in them, it kinda bothers me. I understand if you want to vent and such, but in this post, you should try to get in a bit more detailed on the feelings. The glare that Taisiel gave to Ana obviously offended her, but I think you should try to reword the two sentences, and add more.

Ex: Ana felt an extreme rush of emotions once the glare was turned towards her, feeling her lips quiver at her thoughts; was the Mawile mad at her just for asking? Even though it was a simple question, why take it out on her and not a bush or back at the Lucario? In the verge of tears, the Leavanny ran off, her leafy blade arms covering her face as so.

On the other note, I love your characters, but I believe you should add a bit more variety in them. It's not that I dislike them, but you should try out a couple of different personalities ^^ I understand if each personality is a part of you, but using different characters with the same trait over and over can get a little boring. I recommend trying a playboy, or one that plays around with others. Seeing as you got motherly, baby, relaxed/carefree down.

Nonetheless, I hope I helped you and I didn't sound like a bitch throughout my critique ^^

I want to be critiqued. owo''

AND YOU KNOW I'M THE BEST *shot*

I already know I suck ^^;

Hey... I know I've only made six or so posts, but it's always good to improve early, so does anyone have a critique for me? =)

I would not mind another as well >.< My writing has not been its best lately.

I would like to think on and improve my writing. Please critique me. I've been on Cinnabar and Pallet so far :>

Mew, I haven't read many of your posts; I'll get on that when I have time. =)

Jay, more or less same to you. ^^;

Ciana, there's really only a few things that stand out to me that you could improve on: spelling and grammar. Sometimes your spelling is off. Your grammar is usually better, but occasionally you slip on that too. Also, every once in a while, you word things oddly. However, none of these are so bad that it makes it irritating to read and can be fixed easily if you just keep an eye out for potential errors. If you can use spellcheck for the spelling, do that. If not... just do your best; again, it's not to the point where I find it annoying. And I'm super picky too, so if it doesn't bother me, it probably won't bother anyone else. XD

Your positives are far more numerous; endearing characters that you portray accurately. For example, Orique and Hera have both been through deeply traumatic events. Some people make it too easy for their characters to heal; the proper way is to have it be gradual. I'll admit that sometimes I fail at that myself, but you do really well of having the healing come slowly, as is natural. Nikki I assume is young, and acts appropriately for someone of his age group: Scared shitless at all the crazy stuff going down. XD Yet he can still muster the bravery to save his friends when needed, which is not uncharacteristic of kids. Then there's the imagery you use; when it doesn't come out oddly (And I stress that that doesn't happen often) it comes out beautiful. Some of those posts I could just read over and over and over again. :D The way you experiment with first person and third person are also a plus; I prefer third person by a long shot, honestly, but first person also provides a unique perspective that is good to play around with, as it helps you become more well rounded.

All in all, you're an utter pleasure to role play with. =)

And people, here's a piece of advice: don't apologize for posts that are really long, or posts that are rather short, as long as you did what you could. Brevity is the soul of wit, someone once said, so you don't need a long post for it to be good. And those who made long posts, as long as you're not mindlessly rambling, than that's fine too. =) A tip for making slightly longer posts but keeping them meaningful: look at your character's thoughts. Show us their thoughts. It gives us a peek at their soul, and also adds meaning to a post that may have otherwise fallen flat.

A beautiful piece of advise dear, and one I've given out several times before. Thoughts, emotions, internal dialogue... they can often make a post wonderful if done in the right moments.

Not to mention it also helps when your character doesn't have much dialogue from others to respond to. XD I only had two other people on my team until recently.

Thankies, Mew. ^^

Could I get a Critique? ^^; I'm having trouble making long posts, since I don't want them to be like "Mememe", or too descriptive, thus boring. Ya know?

Critique meh too please ^w^